Tuesday, March 3, 2009

My Other Car is a Pink Cadillac...

A couple of weeks ago, I was shopping around Target for some goodies to go in Matt's new office. Now that he's upgraded to a real professorial space, it seemed fitting for him to have things like a clock and some mugs. (When he gets tenure, I'll buy him a snifter.)

I was perusing the "CLOCKS" aisle, when a woman with a cart full of stuff stopped me and said, "I'm sorry. I hate to interrupt what you're doing but... YOU. ARE. FABULOUS!"

She said it in such a way that it made me believe her. In the core of my being. "You're right, strange, waifish lady with the fancy scarf! I AM fabulous! Thank you for noticing!" I stammered some convincing thank yous, and she persisted.

"I mean, really... you are such a fabulous woman! Look at all that you're doing - I see you have children. You just have something about you. Do you mind if I ask what you do for a living?"

Ah. The question. I love it and dread it all at once.

"Well... I'm, uh, a Methodist Minister. I work at a church in midtown."

She stopped. You could see the gears turning, the script pages flipping, the improv lights coming on.

"Well. That's so interesting! I know that things are bad in this economy, so if you're ever looking for something else to do to supplement your income, call me! I work for Mary Kay, on the business side, doing consulting. You never know - this could really help you and your family!"

She slipped me her card, and I bumbled as I handed her mine. The inside voice in my head slow-motioned a rebuttal: "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" But it was too late. I'd thanked her. Been flattered by her. Gotten taken by her. Handed her my info.

I shuffled to the checkout line with my clock and mugs and hotpot.

About a week later, I was back at that same Target after a late church meeting. I was starving, and circled through the "CHIPS" aisle for some supplies (read: Pringles). I was taking advantage of the fact that now that I'm responsible for payment of said item, I can open it whenever I darn well please. I was munching through a stack of 7 sour cream n' onion chips when a woman stops me and says,

"Excuse me?"

I paused, mouth full of salty, chippy goodness.

"Mruhuh?" I replied.

"I'm sorry to interrupt... but what do you do for a living?"

I bowed my head, chewed my chips, swallowed my dignity and said:

"You work for Mary Kay, don't you?"

I mean... FOR REAL!?!?!? I'm unmade, disheveled, chomping through a can of Pringles that I haven't even paid for yet at 9:47 p.m, and you're SERIOUSLY stopping me in the food aisle to hit me up for a consulting gig?!

She responded, dejectedly: "Man! Other people always get to the businesswomen first!" and shopped down the coffee aisle.

And that, my friends, is a sure sign the economy is crumbling.


Sara said...

I laughed out loud! If it's any consolation, you ARE fabulous! lol

Betty said...

It is not often that I laugh aloud when alone, but I can't stop laughing at this particular blog. It is wonderful! Of course, you too are wonderful.


Cheryl Thompson said...

But you ARE fabulous! The Mary Kay lady might have had an ulterior motive, but hey, you have what it takes - good personality, good skin, and bright eyes!!

Beth Fucile said...

Ok, that's not fair that the pink-car-driving waif hijacked your fabulous moment like that. This is either a sign that you need to abstain from Target or that you need to stick the ear buds in any time you cross their threshold. Then you can just shop around the store knowing that Mary Kay reps are coveting your glowing complexion. Ooh - or I know! Pretend to only speak Estonian.

Anonymous said...

Well, you would add a certain panache to a pink caddy...you and the boys and Matt and your cozy/crazy hats and scarves.

Sharmaine said...

That's awesome!!!!

Judith said...

We should start a random act of fabulousness. "I'm sorry. I hate to interrupt what you're doing but... YOU. ARE. FABULOUS!"