Thursday, August 28, 2008

The First Annual Co-Posting: Things that aren't!

So, friends and confidants now we come to the co-posting. It is a lot like co-hosting - (see Bruce's description on his blog, which makes reference to Totie Fields, which is another blog for another time). Except, in this case, the co-posters share equal responsibilities and equal weight - it’s not anyone's show with the Reverend being Mr. Roaden's Totie-like side-kick (can’t wait for that story, now can you). The Principal and I have been batting this around for a while, and we are very pleased to present, with little fanfare and no press:

The First Annual List of Things That Aren’t:
a co-posting from Reverend Flemming and Mr. Roaden.

1. There is no vocalized “L” in salmon.
2. There is no “first annual.”
3. A lectern is not a podium.
4. “Nomalcy” is not a word. “Normality” is.
5. It is not possible to “reflect back”
6. “Suspicion” is not a verb. One does not “suspicion” something, one “suspects.”
7.Calendar” is not a verb.
8. “Often times” is not the actual phrase. “Oft times” is.
9. While we’re at it, there is not a vocalized “t” in the word “often.”
10. Realtors are not real-a-tors. They practice realty, not real-i-ty.
11. Churches have pictoral directories. There are no pic-tor-i-al directories.
12. “To coffee” is not an infinitive form, ergo “coffee” is not a verb
13. E.X. is not the proper abbreviation for “example.” E.G. is the proper abbreviation, which is Latin for exempli gratia, meaning “for example.” I.E. is the abbreviation for “that is” (id est).
14. The Message (by Eugene Peterson) is not the inspired Word of God for the people of God. (Thanks be to God.)
15. Irregardless is not a word.
16. Tunics do not suffice as the only thing covering ones’ bottom half, i.e. Tunics are not pants.
17. Cocktails are not dinner. Neither is rice. Cereal, however, is fair game.
18. Scooters are not safe. But I still want one. ‘Cause they’re also not motorcycles.
19. Church picnics and barbecues serve COLE slaw, not COLD slaw
20. The phrase is not, “you call in your chips.” Rather, one calls in his chits.

Additions, accidental omissions, and disargeements are welcome.

5 comments:

Judith said...

I just love your blog! I'd add "shrimps" "ath-uh-lete" and "foy-YER" for your next installment.

Geoff said...

Okay, some personal ones:
1. Jonah was swallowed by a "great fish," NOT a whale. Don't call it a whale since whales are, you know, mammals and not fish.
2. It's the Book of Revelation, NOT Revelations.
3. It's not Epiphany, it's the season AFTER Epiphany.
4. For those of you from up north: Do not ask for a "grit." There is no such thing. It's "grits." Though why you would willingly eat them, I've never really figured out personally.
5. And on a personal note: it's pronounced just like "Jeff." It's not "Gee-Off". Remember when you learned about silent vowels in kindergarten? And didn't you ever hear of Geoffrey Chaucer? Sheesh.
6. Oh, and there's another one. Kinderga-Ten, not kindergar-Den.

Well that was fun and a complete waste of time. Great post Mandy!

Brent said...

Nice work. Some of these things bug me, too. Nevertheless, I consulted my 3rd ed. American Heritage about #11. The word is "pictorial," not pictoral. Pictoral, as best I can tell, isn't a word. Pictorial means "illustrated by pictures," among other things.

Also, if I remember my Strunk & White correctly, one does not call in _his_ chits. One calls in _one's_ chits. This is why one should use "one" very sparingly. It's sounds awkward and pretentious.

I also disagree about "normalcy." I read that Warren Harding created the word in his inaugural address, possibly misspeaking while reading the word "normality" from his manuscript. But it caught on. If people have been using a word, even incorrectly, for 80+ years, at what point do we agree that it's a real word? It's in the dictionary, too, without a usage warning.

BDR said...

Wonder what "one" would find if "one" looked up humorless kook?

Brent said...

Hey, bdr, you got it right! Excellent use of "one"--watch the scare quotes, though.